


Religious Shit, Dude

by Slim Shady (NoraPenblood)



Category: Workaholics (TV)
Genre: Drug Use, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, adam basically recreates the shrooms ep except he actually damages someone, it isnt too bad rlly, only superficial shit, theres some minor throat slitting but like
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-16
Updated: 2015-09-16
Packaged: 2018-04-21 01:13:51
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,220
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4809302
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NoraPenblood/pseuds/Slim%20Shady
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Adam was on some real wicked religious shit, this time, and Blake couldn't talk him out of it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Religious Shit, Dude

“It’s not like I can blame you, braj.” Blake was laying back across the couch, his arms tied very securely behind his back – laying on them was making his muscles strain, drawn out in sharp definition from the angle. He wasn’t super fucking sure what was going on, but he knew Adam was doped out of his fucking mind on something. “Hah. I- uh. I’d wanna cut me up too, yanno? Shit, dude, I would totally stab myself on like, some occasions, but...”

Adam, on the other hand, felt like he knew exactly what was going on. It was semi-frequent that a high would hit him really really strongly (“I’m on that real spiritual shit, bro”) and usually when it did, his friends had an easy time talking him down from anything too dangerous.

In this case, though, Blake had been napping off the rest of a blunt on the couch and Anders had gone out for something or another, leaving Adam virtually to his own devices. He’d intended to wait on his bros to share the Shrooms with, but then he’d taken a little taste and it was all downhill from there.

This was religious. It was required by some hapless, bright and shiny god that had created the world and intended to consume it between fiery, sharp teeth. This had been one in a series of earth-shattering prophecies and requirements written into the creation of the universe and Adam was here to carry this shit out. He had to do this for the dinosaurs and the aliens and all that rad shit that was riding on Blake’s blood salting the Earth.

“Dude, this is… this is foretold, man.” He was breathing heavily, eyes glazed as he traced a hand down Blake’s stomach, feeling him up as he fondled the handle of the kitchen knife in his other hand. “It’s like… meant to be. I’m the harborer of the apoplisp.” He straight fucking giggled, something Blake usually thought was pretty cute but actually kind of scared him shitless this time.

“Oh jesus… Adam, dude, it’s cool, okay? Man, shouldn’t we be like, sayin’ “fuck you” to that shit? The apocalypse doesn’t have to be in a hurry, does it?” Blake shifted, twisting violently as he tried to free his arms from the fucking zip ties that Adam had tied around his wrists. It hurt like hell and was digging into his skin, rubbing him raw, making his shoulders creak. “Ugh. Shit, where’s Ders?” He mumbled, chewing on the inside of his cheek. He didn’t like where this was going at all.

“Ders isn’t here, broski.” Adam huffs and looks down at the knife in his hand, tracing his thumb across the blade, drawing blood from his own fingertip without ever flinching. “It’s you and me and the devil.”

Blake grimaced, swallowing hard. He didn’t like this at all, it was super fucking scary, and Adam wasn’t listening to him this time. “Dude- Dude, c’mon. We’re best f-friends. I love you. Shit, man, we’ve lived together for years. Do you really wanna like, fuck all that over for some bullshit god or something?” His voice was getting thicker, choking up at the thought of. Maybe. Literally dying here.

If he had to go like this, he guessed it’d be okay, though. It would be better than dying alone without his friends or overdosing and choking to death on puke. Yeah.

“It isn’t _bullshit_ , Blake!” He smacked him in the chest, pouting like a belligerent toddler. “He’s got the sun in his mouth and the stars for teeth. He created us, braj. He wants to swallow us up like little… little Swedish fish.” He presses the knife to his throat very abruptly, holding it tight against Blake’s skin. “I wanna lick up your heartbeat, dude…”

Blake swallowed hard, tears brimming in his eyes as he looked up at his best friend. “…Adam.” He whispered, heart in his throat as he grimaced, on the verge of bursting into full-on sobs. _“…please.”_

Adam watched him very closely, brown eyes wide and pupils so big they almost eclipsed any color there. He was watching him like a predator, expression (for the first time in his life) completely void of emotion. Then, he licks his lips and rapidly slammed the sharp side of the blade up against Blake’s throat, scraping in deep against his Adam’s apple and drawing quick, hot blood.

He seemed pleased only until he caught the glint of blood a second later. He pulled back as soon as he saw the red against Blake’s freckled skin, sending the knife skittering backward onto the floor. _“What the fuck!_ What the fuck, Blake, you’re bleeding? Oh my god!”

There was a lot of spluttering and shock – the knife hadn’t gone nearly deep enough to kill him, but he was bleeding like hell now – tears finally starting to spill down Blake’s cheeks. “Oh- oh god, ow- fuck, Adam, ouch-“ He whined at him, trying to reach up to touch the wound.

Adam touched down his chest in alarm, smearing blood down over his skin. He was still screaming as he pressed his hands over the wound, trying to stop the blood flow, watching the red stain his fingers. “Fuck! Fuck, oh no, oh no, Blake, don’t die I’d be so upset if you died, dude, you’re my best friend… You’re my best friend, dude, I love you, please don’t die. Oh god, my little baby, Blake, my angel, Jesus-”

He blinked at him, squirming around violently again, aching to get free of his bindings, “Shit, Adam—it’s okay, it’s fine… Undo my arms, dude, I- I like, need some fucking bandages or something, I’m okay…”

There was a lot of frantic shuffling, the both of them half sobbing at this point, sniffling and whining and mumbling stupid apologies and reassurances to one another. Adam cut off the zip ties, relieving the strain that was on Blake’s arms and letting him bring his own hand up to his throat. He didn’t know exactly what the hell to do in this situation, and Ders wasn’t here to help.

“Adam. Bud. Go get me some bandages, okay?” He mumbled, leaning back against the couch and panting, his chest heaving and eyes wide as he clasped a hand over the wound on his neck.

Adam faltered, trying to process his words through the fog in his head before he walked off, coming back with a wad of toilet paper and a box of those big Band-Aids.

_______________________________

It took them a little while to really get it all wrapped up and done bleeding, the two of them now sitting side-by-side in silence, awkwardly splitting a pipe between the two of them. Adam had come off his high a little while ago, queasy and shaky as he leaned against Blake, his friend’s arm around his waist. He cleared his throat and glanced up at Blake. “Sorry I tried to kill you, dude. I was having a real religious experience.”

“It’s chill, braj. I totally understand and like, if you gotta get on your religious shit, I’m glad I was the one that had to be like, human sacrifice or whatever.” He laughed at him, shifting and kissing Adam on the head, reaching up to scratch the bandage around his neck.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading!! If you liked this, my blog is striderfvcker.tumblr.com
> 
> My SFW ao3 account is http://archiveofourown.org/users/striderfvcker/pseuds/striderfvcker


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